REPORT: Trump To Amend Travel Ban To Include Mandatory Judicial Vacations

In the wake of the 9th District Court’s unanimous rejection of the Trump Administration’s move to overturn a stay of the Muslim travel ban, sources close to the President have revealed that a new strategy is rapidly taking shape: revising the Executive Order to include “mass judicial vacations”.

The amended EO reinstates the Muslim ban, while establishing a new FBI division, dubbed JNLYBJ [Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged] and placed under the personal supervision of Director James Comey. The division will be tasked with the immediate relocation of all Federal judges and their families from within U.S. borders to “very nice places, very very, phenomenal, ocean views without bird-killing windmills, the real deal believe me.”

Interviewed on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, Administration spokesperson Kellyanne Conway explained that the new strategy is “Constitutional because it is, I mean you people!” Conway went on to say, “The Precedent is the decider. He gets to decide what kind of oversight the Courts have over anything he decides about what kind of oversight the Courts have! This is getting silly!”

Conway vigorously denied allegations that the order could be characterized as “an Inquisition-style expulsion” or “judicial ban designed to take over the government.”

“What the American people want to know is why you always interpret things in the worst possible light? He’s doing this to HELP! He thinks judges look tired. Every judge he meets — tired! Vladimir mentioned that bookings are light at the black site thingies in the Arctic Circle, and you know how things just sometimes click? Well it clicked! By the way, you’d look GREAT in Ivanka’s charcoal pull-ons, not the black, the charcoal. Size, please?”

In an emailed agenda outlining this afternoon’s press conference, Press Secretary Sean Spicer included an apparently related note: “The press corps looks kinda burnt out to me too. POTUS worries. You should take care of yourselves. Enough said?”

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